Should You Remarry?

Our friend Norm used to own a jewelry store. He was no psychologist but he did provide interesting insight based on what he saw happening in his store. He said most widowers, men, were there to buy a ring for a replacement wife. But, widows came to the store to buy jewelry for themselves. Norm used to say, “You know the saying about the Merry Widow? They’re ALL merry!” Men, on the other hand, needed a wife before they could be happy.

Occasionally my husband and I talk about this question. We both agree we don’t have the energy to start over! There’s always a risk with remarriage that you will end up being a caregiver for a new spouse-a person with whom you do not have a shared history. At this point, it’s really not a question for me. Due to my cancer I don’t need a husband as much as I need a caregiver. That’s probably a red flag for anyone interested in dating me. Fortunately my husband provides me with both, and hopefully he will be around for a long time to come.

We once had a relative who lost his spouse. He immediately began the search for a new wife. In the process, he traveled to the Midwest to attend his 50th high school class reunion. While there, he reconnected with a woman he liked in high school. He was love struck! Before the weekend was over, he was engaged to be married. But he did not do his research. As it turned out, her three daughters were thrilled at the engagement, because they were her caregivers. Our relative was not aware until after the wedding that this woman needed a lot of care. Her health was in shambles. Instead of rising to the occasion he became bitter and angry towards her. He was deeply unhappy. His adult children encouraged him to divorce, but due to his conservative Christian beliefs, he would not.

Of course there are people who marry for the second time and are gloriously happy. But it’s risky. According to Forbes Magazine, second marriages end in divorce more than first marriages. For first marriages, 40-43% end in divorce. In second marriages the rate of divorce jumps to 60%. By the third marriage, the divorce rate tops at 70%. Should you remarry? Based on the statistics, you should probably tread cautiously.